Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
