the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
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you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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