there was a trapeze. enough said
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
