Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
