so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
