I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
