Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it penis luge time yet?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
