FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
