I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
