I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
