I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
