Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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