When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
