it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
