no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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