I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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