it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
