The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
