It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
