Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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