so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
