also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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