Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Two words: blizzard sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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