At least make sure they are 18
Why
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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