I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
