she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
