Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
