i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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