I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Help. Why am I so naked?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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