i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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