I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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