Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
