I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
