I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
