Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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