FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence