toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth