You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.