New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.