Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The beer is more important than you right now.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.