Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
