I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
