after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
