shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
