Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
