Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
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