i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
