I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
