Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just had sex on a roof
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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