I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Welp...herpes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
