Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize