Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
