She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
