maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
