from now on my penis is your penis
i just google imaged poop.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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