You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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