Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
