Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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