it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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