Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
