Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize