So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
