i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
