i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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