Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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