You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You dont lie about slip and slides
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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