Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found the puke drawer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
