i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
