Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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