My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
